One of my oldest fears is that when life is over, and even before we die, we start to fade away and decay in mind. I’ve seen it so many times with those I love, I’m sure you have too. It’s a horrible feeling, and quite disconcerting. I wanted to journal about it the way I know how, by painting it.

I had a lot of fun experimenting with this one. I used traditional gouache as the first layer of paint over a pencil sketch. The mint paint was then reactivated with clear gesso, spreading it horizontally. I wanted to show her blurring a bit away from life, as that’s how I feel we all go. I then painted her hand and face in muted earth colors, not at all skin toned because she’s not fully alive. I used a pexels reference photo for this, Which I will link here.

After the first layer of traditional gouache I went in with acryl gouache after I applied the gesso. I kept working in thin layers to build up the muddy color on her face and hands, then added the final details to the fingernails and skin. The last detail I added was the highlight in her eye. I then applied a layer of final fixative, for good measure, and to ensure that everything stayed put when I was done.

This year I have been confronted with the fact that life is transient by nature, everything comes and goes. Of course I had realized this before, but as my family grows older, and friends from afar slowly seem to fade away, I am left feeling like I too am fading some days. I suppose in the life of others, every one of us is.

Sitting in my studio on a gloomy rainy day in Portland, I was overcome with the desire to go on vacation. I had visited Hawaii a few years back and was itching to see the jungle again. I had no way of going there as I had not only a new puppy at home that was sucking up any and all available time, but life in general is keeping me here for the next while. So what was a girl to do? Go on a daydream instead.

The sketchbook is a place for experimentation.

So I’ve recently discovered a new-to-me medium, acryl gouache, which is a matte acrylic essentially. It has been wonderful for these quick sketches and practice works as it can’t be reactivated with water, and dries very fast. The only caveat seems to be that it does dry out in the palette quite quickly, unless I use a stay-wet style palette like the one shown above. This particular palette was intended for model painting (figurines or model planes etc) but has kept acryl gouache wet for weeks, which is quite pleasing. I’m happy I got to try it out fully here, to see what it can do. It seems to lend itself really well to illustrative works with strong highlights and cell shading.

Welcome to the jungle.

“Jungle Medley” was the result of this experiment, painted in a Khadi handmade paper sketchbook, which I had also not used before. The paper is velvet soft, but strong and resilient. It held up perfectly to rough erasing especially, which seems to be where a lot of papers fail.

Going back to the jungle was a wonderful way to escape from the gloom of the day. I used several reference photos for this, and I feel like I learned a fair bit about plant structure, even though this was basically “playtime” for me. It just goes to show that every experiment is an opportunity for many facets of learning. Plus I cheered myself up, which was the goal.

So now I guess I can wait a little longer to go back to Hawaii.

Sketchbook